Working on "OLD" Together

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."

Andy Rooney

"As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

Gone But Not Forgotten

Just last week a woman who lived to be 102 died in Texas. A few months before her passing she was interviewed and asked how she was able to have lived such a long life. She replied that her father had told her the secret of a long life. He told her to eat oatmeal each morning with a teaspoon of gun powder sprinkled on it. She did this for a large portion of her life. Upon her passing last week she left behind 6 children, 24 grand children, 63 great grand children, 31 great,great grand children, and a 15 foot creator where the crematorium used to be. She left this world with a bang....

1960s Songs Renamed

Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics 

to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember 

doing the "limbo" like it was yesterday.

 

They include:

Bobby Darin--

 Splish, Splash, I Was Having Flash...

 

Herman's Hermits--

  Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker...

Ringo Starr--

I Get By With A Little Help From Depends...

The Bee Gees--

How Can You Mend A Broken Hip...

 

Johnny Nash--

I Can't See Clearly Now...

 

Paul Simon--

Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver...

  The Commodores--

Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom...

Procol Harem--

A Whiter Shade of Hair...

Leo Sayer--

You Make Me Feel Like Napping...

The Temptations--

Papa's Got A Kidney Stone...

Abba--

Denture Queen...

Tony Orlando--

Knock Three Times On The Ceiling 

If You Hear Me Fall...

Helen Reddy--

I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore...

Leslie Gore--

It's My Arthritis And I'll Cry If I Want To...

Willie Nelson--

On The Commode Again...

Speeding

When asked by a young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" this 83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear to ear smile and stated, "Yes, but... I had to get there before I forgot where I was going." The officer put his ticket book away and bid her good day...

The Fluid in Our Life

Living Long Enough to Be a REAL Concern to Your Kids