Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning…

My mother taught me religion:
You better pray that will come out of the carpet…

My mother taught me about time travel:
If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week…

My mother taught me logic:
Because I said so, that's why…

My mother taught me more logic:
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me…

My mother taught me foresight:
Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident…

My mother taught me irony:
Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about…

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis:
Shut your mouth and eat your supper…

My mother taught me about contortionism:
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck…

My mother taught me about stamina:
You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone…

My mother taught me a bout weather:
This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it…

My mother taught me about hypocrisy:
If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate…

My mother taught me the circle of life:
I brought you into this world and I can take you out.

My mother taught me about behavior modification:
You don't have to like it, you just have to do it…

My mother taught me about envy:
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do…

My mother taught me about anticipation:
Just wait until your father gets home…

My mother taught me about receiving:
You are going to get it when you get home…

My mother taught me medical science:
If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way…

My mother taught me ESP:
Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you are cold…

My mother taught me humor:
When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me…

My mother taught me how to become an adult:
If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up…

My mother taught me genetics:
You're just like your father…

My mother taught me about my roots:
Shut that door behind you, do you think you were born in a barn…

My mother taught me wisdom:.
When you get to be my age, you'll understand…

My mother taught me about justice:
One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you…

this was sent to me by tiffany