BEWARE the Bargain M&M

Photo by Daniel Jansson

A Costly Bargain
by Carolyn LeDuc

I take pride in being thrifty. I cruise yard sales for clothes, buy furniture secondhand and refinish it at home—anything to save a buck. But last year I learned by sad experience that being thrifty doesn’t always pay off in the long run.

On February 15th, I passed by the candy display at our local grocery store. Pink, white, and red M&Ms were being liquidated: 88¢ for a bag that normally went for $2.49. “You’re joking,” I said out loud, scooping up eight bags. “These’ll come in handy for nursery snacks, play dates for the kids, special occasions, food storage. I’ll just freeze them and . . . wait a minute,” I stopped myself, sizing up my stash. With a quick U-turn, I headed back for the candy aisle. “What am I thinking? This is silly.” I grabbed three more bags.

At home, ten bags went to the freezer and one was immediately torn open. Downing a handful—the peanut kind, my favorite—I congratulated myself for scoring such a deal on one of the greatest treats around. And then I ate some more. Four hours later, the bag was empty.

Not that I consumed them all alone. My husband and children had a few. But I confess the next bag was all mine. And the next. And the next.

Now, I happen to have a speedy metabolism, so gulping down M&Ms at the rate of four pounds a week didn’t change my weight or waist-line. But it did make me sick—sick of M&Ms. And, five weeks later, when the freezer was empty, I vowed it would be refilled with broccoli and sorbet popsicles. Healthy stuff.

Honestly, that resolution would have come to fruition. But then Easter came along, and the day after Easter, M&Ms were 88 cents a pack again.

I just couldn’t resist.

I worked my way through the year in this fashion, loading up on the Easter greens, the Halloween oranges, the Thanksgiving browns, the Christmas reds. (Was there a Labor-Day mauve in there somewhere?)

Then came January. I found myself seated opposite Dr. John S. Ballard, III, urologist. “We’ll do some tests to figure out what caused that kidney stone. It may be something in your diet.”

“Chocolate,” I enlightened him.

“Well, it may be that,” he hedged. “Several different factors could be involved.”

“Trust me,” I said. “If chocolate has anything to do with kidney stones, then chocolate is what caused mine. I’ll try to reform.” (I later learned that chocolate and peanuts top the list of aggravating foods for stone sufferers.)

At any rate, discounted M&Ms didn’t seem like such a bargain when I got my hospital bill: $11,000 for a stone-zapping lithotripsy operation. Thank goodness we were insured.

Insurance notwithstanding, with my co-payments, babysitting fees, gas to and from the doctor’s office, and pain and suffering taken into account, those M&Ms cost me no less than $320 a bag. I did the math.

Now Valentine’s Day is just around the corner again. I’ll no doubt find myself innocently strolling by the candy aisle on February 15th when the bright pink “SALE” sign will catch my eye. I’ll pause, look longingly over the display, then think of my kidney stone. I’ll dutifully remind myself of the painful hidden costs of some seemingly great bargains. Then I’ll turn, square my shoulders, stiffen my spine, and walk away.

. . . With only four bags in my cart.

Some sales are just too good to pass by.

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