'Twas the Night Before Christmas
for Cops
by George W. Cannon ©1992
‘Twas the night before Christmas and out on the road
My radar was set in the non-moving mode.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But I had to work so I couldn’t be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
And I was out here on the freeway instead.
I had on my heater, I had on my cap, I had just settled
Down to run a speed trap.
When out on the air there arose such a clatter
That I keyed my mike and asked what was the matter.
Someone was excited, they started to yell
I can’t catch this driver - Statewide ATL.
I looked down the road, there was nothing in sight
But then I could see it - one speeding red light.
From the size of the rig I knew it was a trucker
So I went lights and siren and I stopped that sucker.
With a little fat driver so cocky and quick
And the way that he laughed, he was sure drunk or sick.
I looked at his rig and let great exclamation
In addition to speeding - wildlife violations!
Nine unlicensed reindeer, now what is the fine,
For transporting wildlife across the state line?
He whistled and shouted and called out some names
I told him to get back in the car just the same.
But as I looked more closely, it wasn’t a car or a
Truck or like anything I’d seen so far.
I looked and I looked I knew not what to say
I’ll be darned if it wasn’t some strange kind of sleigh.
But then I came out of my deep concentration
And asked for his license and his registration.
But he didn’t have them and I couldn’t wait
For dispatch to check licenses from every state.
I asked him his name and he answered quite quick
Don’t you recognize me, why I am Saint Nick.
I said that’s so nice, I believe you so far
And my name’s Mel Gibson, now stay in your car.
I went to my car, I checked statewide and locals
And then NCIC on this silly yocal.
I sure wasn’t going to fall for this gag
From a bunch of nine reindeer and a fat man in drag.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toes
But you need to dress warm when it’s 20 below.
A bundle if stuff he had slug on his back.
And he looked like a transient right off of the tracks.
His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry
And the way that he smiled, I thought this guy is scary
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth
And I knew if I checked it, I’d find some strange leaves.
His smile left his face and gave way to frustration
As I told him that he had to sign the citation.
I said not a word but went on with my work
As he signed the ticket and called me a jerk.
And holding a finger up next to his nose
The old man peeled out, throwing mud on my clothes.
But before he pulled out, he said don’t loose control
When you wake up tomorrow and only have coal.
And not to be beaten, I gave my retort
Merry Christmas to you and I’ll see you in court.
for Cops
by George W. Cannon ©1992
‘Twas the night before Christmas and out on the road
My radar was set in the non-moving mode.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But I had to work so I couldn’t be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
And I was out here on the freeway instead.
I had on my heater, I had on my cap, I had just settled
Down to run a speed trap.
When out on the air there arose such a clatter
That I keyed my mike and asked what was the matter.
Someone was excited, they started to yell
I can’t catch this driver - Statewide ATL.
I looked down the road, there was nothing in sight
But then I could see it - one speeding red light.
From the size of the rig I knew it was a trucker
So I went lights and siren and I stopped that sucker.
With a little fat driver so cocky and quick
And the way that he laughed, he was sure drunk or sick.
I looked at his rig and let great exclamation
In addition to speeding - wildlife violations!
Nine unlicensed reindeer, now what is the fine,
For transporting wildlife across the state line?
He whistled and shouted and called out some names
I told him to get back in the car just the same.
But as I looked more closely, it wasn’t a car or a
Truck or like anything I’d seen so far.
I looked and I looked I knew not what to say
I’ll be darned if it wasn’t some strange kind of sleigh.
But then I came out of my deep concentration
And asked for his license and his registration.
But he didn’t have them and I couldn’t wait
For dispatch to check licenses from every state.
I asked him his name and he answered quite quick
Don’t you recognize me, why I am Saint Nick.
I said that’s so nice, I believe you so far
And my name’s Mel Gibson, now stay in your car.
I went to my car, I checked statewide and locals
And then NCIC on this silly yocal.
I sure wasn’t going to fall for this gag
From a bunch of nine reindeer and a fat man in drag.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toes
But you need to dress warm when it’s 20 below.
A bundle if stuff he had slug on his back.
And he looked like a transient right off of the tracks.
His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry
And the way that he smiled, I thought this guy is scary
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth
And I knew if I checked it, I’d find some strange leaves.
His smile left his face and gave way to frustration
As I told him that he had to sign the citation.
I said not a word but went on with my work
As he signed the ticket and called me a jerk.
And holding a finger up next to his nose
The old man peeled out, throwing mud on my clothes.
But before he pulled out, he said don’t loose control
When you wake up tomorrow and only have coal.
And not to be beaten, I gave my retort
Merry Christmas to you and I’ll see you in court.
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