And then the fight started...

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd I like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded tp back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turn on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!! He storme over to my car, looke up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one of the dwarfs are you?"
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive. so I took her to the gas station.
And then then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the local office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My goodness," says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have a steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried aboua the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

A woman was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started...

Shopping Smart

Shopping can be a drag, but knowing you’re getting the best deal can lift your spirits. Here’s a short list of the best months to buy things, big and small.

Furniture: January and July
Cars: September and December
Boats: February and March
Appliances: October
Houses: September
Computers: August and December
Christmas Wrapping Paper: January
Vacuum Cleaners: April and May
Tires: April and October

Soup's On

Many people report that soup helps them feel better about themselves, and even more say that chicken noodle soup makes them feel better when sick.

The four most popular soups are chicken noodle, tomato, minestrone, and vegetable. Your favorite can tell a few things about your personality:


Vegetable soup aficionados are homebodies at heart, less likely to be world travelers, less likely to be spontaneous, and more likely to read family and home magazines.

Minestrone slurpers are more likely to be physically fit, nutritionally conscious, family spirited, and on a restricted diet. They are also less likely to own a pet.


Chicken noodle soup lovers score high on the church-going scale, are fond of pets, are more likely to be stubborn, and less likely to be outdoorsy.

Tomato soup sippers can stomach more adventure, are more likely to be social, and tend to enjoy books and pets.

A Very Grimm Day

On This Day, 224 Years Ago . . .

Wilhelm Karl Grimm (seated) was born.

Though he became famous with his older brother, Jakob Grimm, for their compilation folk and fairy tales, he and Jacob were in fact linguists and compiled the tales as part of their linguistic research. These tales (which include Rumpelstiltskin, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Cinderella, and Hansel and Gretel) helped them to construct some of the oral history of the German people, and of surrounding areas. Celebrate Wilhelm Grimm's birthday by reading one of the Grimm brothers' classic stories!

National Pancake Day

Join IHOP to celebrate National Pancake Day TODAY from 7:00 am to 10:00 pm and they'll give you one free shrt stack (three) of their famous buttermilk pancakes.

All they ask is that you consider making a donation to support local children's hospitals through Children's Miracle Network, or other local charities.

Genetics Lesson

via marie

Choir Notes

Count the Ways
From Music and the Spoken Word
Delivered By: Lloyd d. Newell • Program 4196

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”¹ Elizabeth Barrett wrote these now-famous words to her future husband, the esteemed poet Robert Browning, while they were courting. Her love sonnets have since touched the world, but Elizabeth did not show them to Robert during their courtship. He didn’t even know she was writing them. Years later, however, their tender sentiments would strengthen and comfort him when he needed it the most.

The true story of these two poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning, almost seems like fiction. Their relationship began through correspondence, and they fell in love with each other before they ever met. Elizabeth, pale and sickly from years of illness, was reluctant to meet Robert in person, but he persisted. At last she consented, and their love only grew stronger as Robert came to visit Elizabeth, almost every afternoon, for more than a year.

They married and moved to Italy, and at the age of 43, Elizabeth gave birth to their only child, a son. Just days after this joyous event, far away in England, Robert’s mother died of a heart attack. Robert was grief-stricken. During this difficult time, when their hearts were heavy, Elizabeth retrieved the sonnets she had secretly written when their love was yet untouched by life’s sorrows. Her heartfelt declarations, “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,” helped lift his spirits and carry them through their sorrow.

Love’s expressions can be that powerful. Our affirmations of love may not be as poetic as Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s, but they can be just as meaningful. We too can “count the ways” we love those who are dear to us. We can write down our feelings, even if only in simple words, and share them with our loved ones. Then, in future days when difficulties arise or love is tested, we can recall the strength of those heartfelt sentiments. We can feel again the warmth of our affection and relive the moments that make our love strong.

1 Sonnets from the Portuguese (1910), 45.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Just as there are few things more invigorating than waking up after a good night's sleep, there are few things more frustrating than lying in bed after a long day and being denied the rest you so need and desire. The good news is that many people's sleep troubles can be fixed with just a few simple lifestyle changes...

1. Get Religious about Bedtime and Wake-up Time

Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on the weekends. It's true – we all look forward to our lazy Saturday mornings, but before you completely dismiss this suggestion, consider why this works.

If you think about it, most people get hungry around 8 am, noon, and 6 pm. because our bodies becomes accustomed to the patterns we establish, whether it be the times we normally eat or the times we usually get up or go to bed. (This pattern is our circadian rhythm – our body's clock of when to do what.)

When you give yourself a bedtime and stick to it, you can make your sleep as regular as your hunger. Training yourself to go to bed and get up at a certain time will help your body get into a rhythm and make it easier to get consistent sleep.

Our bodies are designed for consistency. If you stray from your schedule even once, everything gets messed up. If you have trouble getting up in the morning, use light to help turn your internal clock to its daytime phase. Sunlight will actually suppress sleep and help wake you. When you wake up, go outside and get some sunlight or turn on all the lights in your room. Then walk around for a few minutes to get your blood circulating.

2. Develop an Exercise Routine

It may seem like exercise is the answer to everything nowadays, but exercising for at least thirty minutes every day can help you fall asleep at night – especially after a bad night's sleep.

Strenuous exercises – like brisk walking, swimming, or jogging – in the morning or late afternoon, and stretching a couple hours before bedtime, can contribute to restful slumber. But make sure you hit the gym two to three hours before your head hits the pillow. Exercising right before your bedtime will actually stimulate you enough to delay sleep.

An exercise routine can also help you lose weight, which will also make for better sleep. Being overweight can increase the risk of sleep apnea, characterized by disordered breathing. If you exhibit any telltale signs of apnea, such as, loud snoring, cessation of breathing during the night, or excessive sleepiness during the day, you should talk to your doctor about seeing a sleep specialist.

3. Turn off the TV

Although many people use television as a sleep aid or as a way to relax at the end of the day, you shouldn't. Television programming is more often stimulating than it is calming. And no matter the nature of a program's content, the commercials, which are often louder and more jarring that the actual show, are designed to stimulate you and get your attention 100 percent of the time.

In addition to being bombarded by advertising or getting riled up as you wait to find out who is going to be the next American Idol, the light coming from the TV (or a computer screen) can interfere with your body's clock, which is sensitive to any light. So in addition to having commercial jingles stuck in your head, you will be up later and have more time to fret over the judges' criticisms of your favorite contestant.

Televisions should be removed from bedrooms, and all related activities, like video games or web surfing, should also be eliminated before bedtime. Do what you would do for your elementary age child – no TV, no computer, no phone, and no electronic toys in the bedroom.

5. Create an Environment Conducive to Sleep

In most cases, temperatures above 70 degrees and below 54 degrees will disrupt sleep, but it is always better to keep your room a little colder. Your body's internal temperature drops during the night to its lowest level, so a cooler room contributes to better sleep because it mimics what is happening inside your body.

A darker room also means better sleep. Try using light-blocking curtains, drapes, or even an eye mask if turning off the lights is not enough. If you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, leave the lights off. Minimize light exposure by using a low-illumination night light.

6. Have a Bedtime Snack

When you delayed going to bed as a child by complaining of hunger, and your mother calmed you with a glass of warm milk, you may have thought that she was playing into your childish games. But Mom just might have had something else up her sleeve.

Milk contains tryptophan, an amino acid most famous for lulling you to sleep after a turkey bonanza at Thanksgiving dinner. This natural sleep aid stimulates the brain chemicals serotonin and melatonin – key players when it comes to inducing sleep.

If you pair your warm glass of milk with a piece of whole wheat bread, or another carbohydrate, the effect will be that much greater. Other suggestions for a late-night snack include a small bowl of oatmeal or low-sugar cereal with low-fat milk, yogurt with granola or a banana, or half a bagel or crackers with peanut butter or an ounce of cheese.

Just as there are foods that induce sleep, there are also those that prevent it. Try not to eat a large meal within two hours of bed and avoid heavy, rich, spicy, or acidic foods as bedtime snacks. When you sleep, the sphincter between your esophagus and your stomach relaxes, allowing some stomach acid to escape, so everyone has some acid reflux when they sleep. If you eat a large meal before you go to bed, it's even worse. Also, refrain from consuming caffeine (including chocolate) a few hours before you are planning to call it a night.

You should avoid drinking too many liquids before bed, because more liquids make it more likely that you will have to use the restroom during the night. If you suspect that something you are eating or drinking is keeping you up, simply eliminate it for a few days, and see if your sleep improves.

via Maria Walton

Ahh-choo

Your eyes start watering and itching. You start sneezing. And then you see it—a cat moseying by. You know this always happens with cats, but what actually causes your allergy?

An allergy is an abnormal sensitivity of the immune system to harmless environmental factors. Allergies can include allergies, an over-reaction of the immune system, and intolerances (more common in food), which have similar but less severe symptoms.

It is estimated that about 1 in 5 people have allergies, with children and young adults at greatest risk for developing allergies. In younger children, boys have a greater risk of developing allergies than girls.

The most common allergies include hay fever, pollen, stings, and latex, with the most common food allergies being milk, soy, and wheat. Of allergies, the most dangerous tend to include food and drug allergies, like penicillin.

Interestingly, researchers recently found that although 20 percent of adults claim food allergies, less than 2 percent really have a problem. The researchers said some may have misdiagnosed themselves completely, while others do have symptoms of a medical problem but wrongly attribute the cause to food.

To prevent unnecessary avoidance of food, the researchers encouraged potentially allergic people to confirm the diagnosis (especially for children, who are likely to feel nutritional effects from excluding potential allergens like wheat).

I am definitely allergic to cats, but not wheat....

Tooth Tales

Dental care is a common part of daily life in our age.
But it wasn’t so long ago that those pearly whites weren’t so pearly.


Toothpaste was invented only 100 years ago.


Before that, after people figured out that brushing the teeth would
preserve them longer, common tooth cleaners included
ground-up charcoal, pulverized brick, lemon juice,
and even a mixture of honey and tobacco.


Early toothbrushes included the miswak, a twig,
or root which has been used in the Muslim
world since the Golden Age.


After toothpaste was invented, it wasn’t until World War II
that brushing actually became popular in the U.S.


Today, twice daily brushing is common, and
flossing is becoming more standard.


Dentists also recommend brushing after lunch or sweet snacks.

World Human Spirit Day

Now in its 6th year, World Human Spirit Day will be recognized by two minutes of silence at 3:00 p.m., USA, Eastern Standard Time.

During these two minutes, people are encouraged to consider their connection to others and the responsibility we share to foster peace and harmony. So, dedicate a couple minutes to contemplating others today—maybe you’ll find a new way to lift where you stand.

Counting Cookies

25%

Cookies baked in the U.S. that are chocolate chip

4
Sesame Street Season when The Count debuted

1969

Cookie Monster makes his first appearance on Sesame Street

2006

PBS responds to childhood obesity concerns by having Cookie Monster state that “cookies are a sometimes food”

300

Size, in feet, of the oven that bakes Oreo cookies

$5.9 million

Amount Americans spent on cookies last year

You Know You're Living in 2010 When...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-)
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING AT YOURSELF...

BookBook

A novel way to cover MacBook and MacBook Pro

via Heather...

Sunday Reflections

:: Relief Society ::
Our Heavenly Family
We can better understand God and our relationship with Him by understanding that did not create us, but rather organized our intelligence. Knowing that our intelligence is co-eternal with God's, teaches us about ourselves and our own potential.

We all have unique personalities, dispositions, and abilities that were formed by our pre-mortal experiences. Some of these qualities are things we need to develop, and some are things we need to overcome.

The purpose of this life not to just grow closer to God, or to obey better, but to begin to become Gods ourselves. To do this, we needed to leave our pre-mortal home, because there are things we can't know about ourselves until were are making choices for ourselves.

:: Sunday School ::
Noah... Prepared an Ark to the Saving of His House
God needed to destroy the people of Noah's time because there were no families for God to send righteous spirits to. The purpose of the earth was to have a place for God to send children. This became impossible to do because all flesh had become corrupted and filled with violence. There was only one family that even had a chance, Noah's.

In Genesis 7, it seems to indicate that the animals went to the ark. They were sent, and obeyed.

:: Sacrament Meeting ::
Thoughts from Talks
Human legalism leads to human self-righteousness. Human, self-righteousness denies the need for the saving, enabling grace of Christ. Human righteousness embraces the cruelest of Satan's lies, that a person can be righteous by keeping the law. If that were true, there would have been no need for the birth, life, and death of Christ.