SLO: Parody of "Let It Go" for Teacher

SLOs and Common Core
OTES and Google Mail
It's coming at me oh so fast, I can feel I'm growing pale
Through the halls I push my cart, I'm getting oh so fried
You say I need a classroom? God knows I've tried

Student learning's what is sought
Tests designed by those who've never taught
Enter my data so I'll know...
Well now I know...

SLO, SLO
Where'd my time go? I don't know
SLO, SLO
I think my head's about to blow
They don't care
What we have to say
State tests rage on
Spare time is a luxury anyway

Funny how politicians
Think teachers are so bad
But they're never in our classrooms
It really makes me mad!

SLOs and IEPs
504s and SST
OGT/PARCC?
OMG!!!!

SLO, SLO
Where's my sanity? I don't know
SLO, SLO
I think my head's about to blow
They don't care
What we have to say
State tests rage o....wait a minute... WHAT?
But Christmas break starts in TWO HOURS!!

The state is here we must set Mastery Growth Goals
I got mine back again; should I just go to Tolles?
If it's returned once more I'll just say kiss my class!
I'm taking 3 days off and never coming baaack!

SLO , SLO!
I'll throw you out in the sky
SLO , SLO
I'm trying not to cry!
Here I stand
In the light of JUNE
Time to say SO LONG!!!!
Tomorrow I'll be singing a different tune

Explanations:

SLO = Student Learning Objectives
OTES = Ohio Teacher Evaluation System
IEP = Individualized Education Plan
SST = Student Success Team
OGT = Ohio Graduation Test
PARCC = Partnership for Assessment of Readiness for College and Careers
**In Ohio, the powers that be are arguing on whether we keep the OGT or switch to PARCC.

Because politicians can't figure it out, as of now it looks like sophomore students are going to pay for it by having to take BOTH the OGT and PARCC next year.
OMG= Oh My God
BUT CHRISTMAS BREAK STARTS IN TWO HOURS - On our PD (Professional Development) day, the last 2 hours we were told the State had mandated that we set "Mastery Growth Goals" before we left for break. It was a long involved process, directions were minimal and and what we were told to do required at least a day (if not longer) to put together. They were returned to us several times to us throughout the semester to re-do, each time with better directions.
Tolles= a really good vocational school in our district with an outstanding reputation.

OEA wrote one verse and the chorus and I did the rest. This was performed for our end of the year staff party. Please forgive the crack on the high note at the beginning; it was a rough school year and I'm still recovering.
*No copyright infringement intended.

 Linda Kinnison Roth

Teddy

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. 

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper That he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume... But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets.."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD. 

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist Hospital in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Teaching - the First Oldest Profession

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:

Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY?

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho,

It's back to work I go...

See me – I'm the sleepy one!

Always Check Your Child's Homework

When asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up, second-grader Sarah turned in this lovely drawing...

Needless to say, the teacher was a bit surprised. Mrs. Smith had always seemed like such a conservative woman, so she sent a note home to the girl's mother asking for clarification as to the picture's meaning. Here is the reply the teacher received the following day:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever bee, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot. I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out of every single shovel we had, and then found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her pictures picture doesn't show be dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had a Home Depot.

From now on, I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Should Teachers Be Paid More?

The 6th-grade students at our school were practicing for the state persuasive essay test. They were asked to write a letter to the principal letting her know whether they believed teachers should be paid more nor not. Here are some of their responses:

“I think so. They have tried so hard all these years…”

“They have to tolerate so much on us and try their best so that when the district comes in our class, we don’t screw up everything.”

“They have to wait and not get mad. I don’t think that is very easy when you’re trying to teach something, and the kids are like, ‘What did you say?’ It’s just really frustrating to do that, so they deserve more money.”

“It is hard not, like, sitting in the teachers lounge, drinking wine, and just chatting with other teachers. They just deserve more money…”

“The solution is yes! Teachers are the start to another generation. Teachers are the future…Make teaching legendary…”

“Teachers deserve more money! They need money for clothes.”

“I absolutely, positively know that teachers should get more money…They can pay for health and their bills. They can also pay for food.”

“Teachers would definitely be happier if they got a raise. Happy teachers make happy students!”

“I know that the teachers that work in schools should be paid more!…Teachers paid a TON of money before to get educated in order to teach. They must have paid at least $1,000 dollars just to do school…to work here. It’s quite stressful!”

“I do think that teachers should get paid more…Some really good teachers take hours to prepare their lessons. Really awesome and exciting lessons take hours to prepare and hours to get all of that awesomeness into them.”

“Teachers work for the government. Why do congressmen get paid more than teachers?”

“If you were a teacher you would have a hard life. If they get paid less than you then that’s not fair. Teachers should be paid how hard of a class they teach. Or everyone would be teaching kindergarten.” - How little do they know! :)

“Dear Principal,
I heard you are not paying the teachers as much. Now that is unstable…Teachers are very smart and they share their smartness to the kids…If we didn’t have teachers we wouldn’t be smart at all.”

“If teachers quit because they were not paid enough, who would teach us? Teachers are the reason people become successful…If there were no teachers, school would be pointless.”

A Jeff Foxworthy Take on Teaching

You might be a school employee if....

You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

You want to slap the next person who says, must be nice to work till 3:30 and have summers off.

It's difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

You can tell it's a full moon or if it's going to rain, snow, sleet, or hail, without ever looking outside.

You believe shallow gene pool should have its own box on a report card

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, boy the kids sure are mellow today.

When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

You have no social life between August and June.

You think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

You wonder how some parents managed to reproduce.

You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the lounge.

You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling, and are willing to donate the U-Haul boxes should they decide to move out of district.

You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

You can't imaging how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, Why is this kid like this?

You would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

You think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons, and desks and chairs for that matter.

The words I have college debt for this have ever come out of your mouth.