Pure Genius

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
Question: If you could live forever, would you, and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.

–Mariah Carey
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.



–Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.




–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.





–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.




–A congressional candidate in Texas
That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.



–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
Half this game is ninety percent mental.





–Al Gore, Vice President
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.




–Dan Quayle while campaigning
I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.





–Lee Iacocca
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?




–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
The word genius isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.




–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.




–Department of Social Services: Greenville, South Carolina
Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You my reapply if there is a change in your circumstances


–Keppel Enderbery
Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.




–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there will be a record.