Choir Notes

The Greater Courtesies

From Music and the Spoken Word

Delivered By: Lloyd d. Newell • Program 4297

Nineteenth-century American writer Christian Bovee once said, "The small courtesies sweeten life; the greater, ennoble it.”1 Sometimes, with the pressures and stresses of life, we might forget that in many cases, the small things are the big things. The lessons of good manners we learned as children—to say "please” and "thank you” and "excuse me”—may seem outdated in today’s demanding adult world. 

But politeness is never out of style, kindness is never old-fashioned, and we never outgrow courtesy.

And it goes much deeper than polite words. As one commentator noted: "Making people feel important is part of courtesy, so it’s important to remember that whether or not people remember what we say or do, they do remember how we made them feel. . . . Always be kinder than necessary because you can never be too kind.”2

Helping people feel respected and loved takes more effort and, at times, more self-discipline than just remembering to say please and thank you. But it’s the mark of a great soul.

This type of courtesy focuses more on how we make people feel than just what we say to them. It springs more from sincere love for others than from a mere sense of social obligation. It measures not the size of the courteous act but the size of the heart behind it. A smile, a returned phone call, a thank-you note, a word of congratulation on a special occasion, verbal and nonverbal responses to those who need our attention—even these seemingly small things, if inspired by genuine love, can turn out to be the greater courtesies, the big things, that both sweeten and ennoble the life of the giver and the receiver.

1 In Tyron Edwards, comp., A Dictionary of Thoughts (1891), 93.

2 Michael Josephson, "Courtesy Is Kindness in Action,” http://whatwillmatter.com/2011/11/commentary-courtesy-is-kindness-in-action-749-3.