Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me to appreciate 

A JOB WELL DONE. 

"If you're going to kill each other do it outside. 

 I just finished cleaning!" 

2. My mother taught me 

RELIGION. 

"You had better pray that comes out of the carpet!" 

3. My mother taught me about 

TIME TRAVEL. 

"If you don't straighten up, 

I'm going to knock you into next week." 

4. My mother taught me 

LOGIC. 

"Because I said so, that's why." 

5. My mother taught me 

MORE LOGIC. 

"If you fall off of that swing and break your neck, 

you're not going to the store with me." 

6. My mother taught me 

FORESIGHT.

"Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident." 

7. My mother taught me 

IRONY. 

"If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" 

8. My mother taught me about 

OSMOSIS. 

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about 

CONTORTIONISM. 

"Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck?" 

10. My mother taught me about 

STAMINA. 

"You can just sit there until the spinach is all gone." 

11. My mother taught me about 

WEATHER. 

Your room looks like a tornado went through it! 

12. My mother  taught me about 

HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve  told you a million times. 

Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the 

CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take  you out.”

14. My mother  taught me about 

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My  mother taught me about 

ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world 

that don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about 

ANTICIPATION. 

You just wait until I get home! 

17. My mother taught me about 

RECEIVING. 

You are going to get it when you get home! 

18. My mother taught me about 

MEDICAL SCIENCE. 

If you don't stop crossing your eyes, 

they are going to stick like that. 

19. My mother taught me about 

ESP. 

Put your sweater on. 

Don't you think I know when you are cold

20. My mother taught me about 

HUMOR. 

When the lawn mower cuts off your toes,

don't come running to me! 

21. My mother taught me how to 

BE AN ADULT. 

If you don't eat your vegetables, 

you will never grow up. 

22. My mother taught me about 

GENETICS. 

You are just like your father. 

23. My mother taught me about my 

ROOTS. 

Shut that door behind you. 

Do you think you were born in a barn?

24. My mother taught me 

WISDOM. 

When you get to be my age, then you'll understand.

25. My mother taught me 

JUSTICE. 

One day you will have kids and  

I hope they turn out just like you!